Surrounded (by Potential Killers)
by Ondori-Naramaki
Summary: Tony never seems to ever stay in a room with any one of the Avengers for very long. Always making a speedy (but inconspicuous as possible) get-away, a quick excuse always at the ready. Unless Bruce is there too, then he's willing to hang around. Protective!Hulk Hurt Tony (but only a little bit)
1. Chapter 1

**Cross posting from my AO3 under the same name, just without the dash in the middle. Enjoy!**

They were about halfway through a meeting at S.H.I.E.L.D. when Bruce suddenly remembered that he had a science experiment he needed to check on asap. Standing up abruptly Bruce announces "Sorry guys, there's somewhere I need to be."

This causes Tony to look up from his phone, and after realizing what exactly is happening, follows suit. "Thanks for reminding me, Bruce; there's somewhere I have to be as well. Which is to say, not here! What say we head out together, Doctor?" Tony says as he gets up to join his friend.

"After you, Sir." Bruce responds as they make their way to the exit, both smirking at one another.

A quiet protests was made and ignored as Steve tried to call at least one of them back "Tony, shouldn't you at least-"

But it is Fury's raised hand that silences him "Let 'em be." He somehow says somewhat enigmatically.

The Captain hesitantly sits down and the meeting continues without the two geniuses.

~•*•~

"How come I'm the only non suped-up human on the team who hasn't been trained to kill someone in 17 different ways with a spoon?" Tony begins as he saunters into the lab where Bruce is working on his experiment. "I thought I might've gotten used to it by now, but I guess the world doesn't always work like I want it to."

Bruce wonders why Tony is bringing this up suddenly, but figures he'll find out why if he keeps listening. He looks over his shoulder in Tony's direction to let his friend know he has his attention, then redirects his gaze back to his project. He grabs the metal bar he brought to the table after it finally came out of their state-of-the-art 3D printer and -using his bare hands- bends it over the anvil on the desk to measure the heat level and length of heat distribution the new alloy mix makes when under intense pressure.

"Just one of the downsides of this fact is that it makes me the go-to target for kidnapping. I mean, they might not be able to get a ransom for me, but I could be snatched on my way to buy doughnuts and then used as bait! But I digress, what I was getting to is that it's totally unfair. I mean, what if suddenly the team thinks I'm too annoying to deal with? Barton could snap my neck, Natashalie could castrate me, and then snap my neck before I had the chance to say 'Ow, fuck', Rogers could crush my skull with his bare hands, and Thor... Thor could probably kill me on accident." By the time Tony finished saying this he was right behind Bruce, attempting to peer over his shoulder to see what he was working on.  
"Hey, watcha got there, buddy?"

Realizing what he'd just done and how it would probably freak out Tony considering what he was just talking about Bruce quickly grabs the nearest rag and tosses it over the anvil and bent bar, then turns to face Tony "Um, nothing that should interest you. How about we go over here?" Bruce turns Tony around and grabs him by the shoulders to guide him towards another part of the lab in hopes of distracting him with something shiny.

"Ooh, does that mean it's something that _would_ interest me?"  
Tony asks as he keeps trying to get a look around Bruce by craning his neck.

"Probably, but let's just call it a secret experiment and move on, okay?" _Please_ , Bruce added in his mind, mental fingers crossed. Their progress to the other side of the room was slow-going because Tony was digging in his heels and Bruce didn't want to push too hard.

"Um, Brucie?"

"What?"

"Is your super secret experiment _supposed_ to randomly combust? Because _something_ behind you is on fire."

Before Bruce had quite finished turning round the two geniuses heard a sudden "FIRE?!" coming from the direction of the entrance to the lab.  
Their eyes quickly lock onto Thor who spots where the flames are, lunges for the nearest fire extinguisher (Bruce supposes someone's told him by now that those'll put out a fire), rips it (and some of the wall) off its holder, and proceeds to...throw it at the fire.

Both geniuses' eyes go about as wide as saucers before Bruce -much like Thor and the fire extinguisher- lunges at Tony and (as gently as he can) takes him to the ground, while at the same time transforming into the Hulk.  
Just in time too, as the extinguisher explodes outwards, foam and deadly (to mortals & normal humans, anyway) shrapnel flying in all directions.

"Well, at least the fire's out." Tony says after the noise dies down and he recovers from his initial shock. "I think." He then once again cranes his neck to see around his friend. "Yeah, we're good." And flops back down.  
Hulk huffs in reaction and just kind of stares at Tony, looking him over for injuries.

Thor brushes himself off, the shrapnel falling off him without leaving any marks, yet sticking into the wall behind him (and the ceiling). "How fare thee, Man of Iron?" His fate was sealed once he spoke, though (or when he threw the extinguisher -with Tony in the room-, really).

The Hulk snaps his head around to glare at Thor, who realizes now that he is in big trouble -judging by the way the Hulk's muscles are bunched, much the same way as a cheetah getting ready to pounce- and that it might be too late to make a quick escape before incurring the rage monster's wrath.

Luckily (for the blonde behemoth) a whimpering noise from Tony snaps the Hulk's attention back to the recumbent engineer, and Thor capitalizes on the opportunity to keep his life for at least a little longer by hightailing it outta there!

Hulk follows Tony's gaze to a rather large but thin piece of metal sticking out of the brunette's arm. "I hope that's not deep." He then reaches over to it with his other arm but stops short when the Hulk makes a noise of protest. "Don't worry buddy, I've got it." And then proceeds to pull it out the tenth of an inch it was in. "Ah, must've been a rebound."

The reason Hulk didn't see the piece of metal sticking out of Tony was that it was in the side of his arm, just out of Hulk's line of sight. Tony, however, noticed it because he could feel it (after the adrenaline subsided partially, anyway) and turned his arm over to see it.

He then flings the scrap of slightly bloody metal away and casts his gaze around the room, taking in the huge mess that little incident made, until he spots some foam on the ceiling about to fall and tracks its descent to Hulk's nose. Tony just stares at it for a few seconds before he starts to laugh, considering it quite the hilarious counterbalance to the gravity of the situation. Eventually Hulk joins in and slowly transforms back into Bruce as the laughter continues.

"That sure could have ended badly." Bruce says after his own laughter finally dies down a bit.

"Yeah, I could've gotten covered in foam like you." Tony manages to giggle out.

"Hmm, I don't know" Bruce says as he wipes some foam off his nose. "You still might; the night is young." Then he boops Tony's nose so he now has foam on him.

 **I'm planning a second chapter, so keep an eye out for that! And please drop me a review to let me know what you thought!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Text**

 **S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting one minute after Tony and Bruce left:**

"Sir," Natasha spoke up as soon as she was sure the two geniuses were out of earshot, "why do I get the feeling you know something we don't?"

"Probably because I do." Fury responded succinctly, not offering an explanation.

"And _what_ , if I may ask," Clint cut in, removing his feet from where they were resting on the table and placing them on the floor "would that be?"

"I'm glad you asked, Barton, because it's about time it was brought to the team's attention anyway: Stark is uncomfortable around you all." Fury deigned to explain, looking each of them in the eye in turn.

"But why would that be?" Steve asks, surprised. "We're all on the same team."

"Yeah, and we always have each other's backs in battle!" Clint points out somewhat defensively.

 _And I haven't threatened to cut him in over a month_ Natasha thought to herself while picking her nails.

"It **might** be," Fury sassed, "because I have a more objective view since I'm not on the team myself, or maybe it's because I knew the kid _before_ reading miss Romanov's depreciating report-"

"I said I was sorry." Came a quite grumble.

"But has anyone else thought he might be _very_ aware of the fact that he's the only non suped-up member of the team who hasn't been trained to kill in 17 different ways with a spoon?"

 _18, actually; took that extra Sunday class._ Romanov decided to keep to herself.

"This is unacceptable! A brother in arms should not feel this way around his compatriots!" Thor suddenly booms from the far end of the table and everyone kinda just stares at him for a moment, wondering when he got there.  
They didn't get a chance to ask though, as that was when he made a move for the massive wall of windows. "I must rectify this immediately!"  
And proceeded to jump _through_ said windows.

This was not going to end well.

 **Ten minutes after the fire extinguisher fiasco:**

Tony and Bruce were toweling off their hair, having taken showers to remove all the foam (or just general workshop grime) from their bodies and then Bruce came to check on his friend to make sure he was actually fine. And also maybe to spill the beans.

"Tony..." Bruce took a deep breath, wondering what would happen if he told Tony the truth about his strength. What if Tony never looked at him the same way again? Having that fear in his eyes, just like everyone else. Bruce doesn't know if he could take that-  
But no, Tony was his friend and he deserved to know the truth. He let out the lungful of air he'd been holding "I have something to tell you."

"Oh, is it the whole you-have-super-strength-even-when-you-aren't-huge-and-green thing?" Tony guessed, throwing his soiled towel somewhere behind him.

Bruce stopped breathing; feeling like all the air had been stripped from his lungs for the few horrible seconds it took Tony to start talking again.

"Yeah, I already knew that, just didn't think to mention it earlier since it's not a problem; you actually like me ( _or are the Avenger who_ dis _likes me the least_ , Tony thinks to himself). And so does Jolly Green."

Bruce almost couldn't believe what he was hearing.  
"But it was my fault you almost died!"

"Nu-uh, it's _Thor's_ fault I almost died. It's only thanks to you we _didn't_ get blown up." Tony nods sagely.

...A smile tugs its way onto Bruce's face; turns out he had nothing to worry about (and honestly he should have been expecting this). The smile then transforms into a cat-like smirk. "Actually, only you would have been blown up, _I_ would have been just fine."

"But you wouldn't be 'just fine' because then you would be sad because you would miss me." Tony shoots back.

"That is true." Bruce boops him on the nose. "Good thing we're both still here. And alive."

"Yeah, no thanks to Goldilocks." The snarky scientist gives a wry smile.

Bruce squints at the reminder; now that he is absolved of all blame he knows _exactly_ where to place it.

"Oh please don't kill him, Brucie; he didn't mean it." Tony presses his hands together in an overdramatic pleading gesture.

Bruce turned and looked Tony straight in the puppy dog eyes and deflated slightly.  
"Fine, I won't." He began, seeing Tony mock sigh in relief. "But I can't speak for the Other Guy." He finished, smirking.

"...Well, that's probably the best I'm going to get, so I'll take it!" Tony jumped up from the bed. "Now what do you say we get some food? Almost getting blown up really gets the appetite going."

Bruce rolls his eyes good naturedly at Tony's nonchalance about his near-death experience, but follows none-the-less.  
"Fine, but we're not doing Korean barbecue at home again. You _know_ what happened last time."

Tony gives a sly grin in response. "First one to the kitchen gets to decide!" And takes off, Bruce hot on his heels.

"Hey!"

~•*•~

When they are eating the food Tony decided on (Hulk wouldn't let Bruce use his extra strength as a speed boost since he considered that cheating. Bruce tried to argue that Tony cheated first by getting a head start, but Hulk wouldn't budge. [figures; he usually took Tony's side] but luckily his friend took pity on him and chose something aside from Korean Barbecue) he asks what Bruce's super secret experiment _was_. Since it kind of blew up in his face he can spill the beans now, right?

"Yeah, I don't see why not. I was working on a special alloy blend, molded in a braided, polydirectional pattern for extra rigidity and strength-"

"Ooh, I bet it looks cool too." Tony interjected.

"Yes actually, it does. Similar to domastic, but anyway I was testing certain factors, such as how hot it can get if bent and how quickly the heat will dissipate, etc. Turns out, not quickly enough to prevent a cloth from catching fire, so checking that off of 'list for potential armor alloys'." Bruce grimaced.

"Aw, you were thinking about me? That is so sweet." Tony fluttered his lashes. "I'll have to get you some flowers in return."

"Well I know the Big Guy would certainly appreciate that; he really likes flowers for some reason."

"Ooh, if that's the case I should get some hulk sized ones for him to enjoy!  
I'm thinking bunga bangkai. What say you?"

"No offense Tony, but that idea stinks." Bruce replies.  
After a few seconds though a smile cracks its way through Bruce's mock serious face and both geniuses let out a few laughs before getting back to their meal.

They are about halfway done when suddenly  
"Le gasp! I was right!" Tony says out of nowhere.

"I'm sure you were." Bruce twirls his food around his fork. "Now about what is the question.  
Also did you _say_ 'gasp'?"

"Thor killing me by accident! It was only by pure luck -and your awesomeness- that he didn't succeed.  
And yes; yes I did."

"Oh yeah, speaking of which you should probably get a tetanus shot." Bruce says, gesturing at the Dora The Explorer bandage covering Tony's 'booboo', as the inventor liked to call it.

"Eh, I got one within the last year." Tony waves off Bruce's concern. "I think. Anyway I'm recent... I think."

Bruce stares at him in lieu of a reply.

Tony stares back in reply to his lieu of a reply.  
This goes on for the next minute or so until they have an unspoken staring contest that Tony eventually loses.  
"Gah!" The inventor clutches at his eyes. "Okay, you win; I'll get another shot. Soon as my eyes start working again." he mumbles the last bit.

Bruce smiles (pleased Hulk actually helped him out with that one).  
"How about I be your eyes for the time being so you can get your shot before lock-jaw sets in, hmm?" He says as he leads the overdramatic inventor toward the med bay by the hand.

"Hey, my bloodstream should be 100% rust free; I keep a clean lab!" Tony said as he blindly followed.

"That disease ridden couch you keep in the corner would suggest otherwise." Bruce countered as he rounded the corner, making a wide turn to ensure Tony didn't bump into it.

"Couchy is an outlier and you _know_ that."


End file.
